I tend to dwell on my thoughts for much too long, especially the wrong ones. Did I say the wrong thing to a friend hurting their feelings. Am I sure that what I did will not lead to failure. Should I have really written this blog; for everyone in the world to see. The things that I did in the past remain lodged in my brain and I never know when they will come sneaking through the cracks and haunt my thoughts until they do enough to wear me down then slide back into my mind ready to honor me again on another unsuspecting occasion.
Sometimes those thoughts dig so deeply that it throws me into a depression that darkens everything around me. Telling me that I am a complete a failure at everything I do. I am this horrible person that no one wants to be around. In a way it is shaped me into the kind of person that I am, someone that feels uncomfortable around people or not having the confidence to try anything because I might fail.
Due to this lack of confidence I put on this aura of confidence maybe even arrogance just to hide my inner thoughts. I know this because my wife has told me throughout our almost 44 years of marriage. She tells me I am just like my father, I try to deny it but deep down I know that it is true. Maybe that was why my father was the way he was. The thoughts just linger ready to pounce at any time.
Through the years I have been able to cope with these ups and downs of life through my faith in a GOD that knows that I am not perfect; A GOD that accepts me for who I am and doesn’t want me to change as a person but wants to change my heart to care deeply for those around me and to have the confidence in myself no matter the mistakes I have made or will continue to make.
That doesn’t mean that those thoughts won’t come seeping through because they do and will continue. Our Father doesn’t throw those thoughts away, he even allows them to come in at times; I believe to keep us humble with the knowledge that allowing him to stay in the forefront of our minds he can remind us that we are exactly who he wants us to be at this time and place.
GOD is not finished with us until it is time for us to meet him, in our journey we will be exactly who he wants us to be then and only then will those negative thoughts be wiped clean and the light of the SON will shine in us.