What if you could stand next to King David’s Mom? What what you hear? What about Jonah or Moses? What would their Mom say to them as kids? Great Bible leaders and personages were once kids of course. Wonder what their life was like growing up.
Noah and Other Bible Kids
“Noah! No, you can’t keep them! I told you, don’t bring home any more strays!”
Abraham! Stop wandering around the countryside and get home for supper!
Samson! Get your hand out of that lion. You don’t know where it’s been!
David! I told you not to play in the house with that sling! Go practice your harp. We pay good money for those lessons!
Solomon! Do your homework or you’ll never be able to make wise decisions!
Jacob! You’re a young man now. It’s time you found a wife or you’ll never give me any grandchildren!
Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego! Leave those clothes outside, you smell like a dirty ol’ furnace!
Joseph, Jonah, James, John, and Job
Joseph! Put your coat on! If you catch a cold you’ll stunt your growth and never amount to anything!
Jonah! You will never learn to swim if you don’t get over your fear of the water
Ester! Straighten that back and stand up straight! You may have to stand before royalty some day!
Joshua! Be careful with that vase! You might break it!
Moses! What’s wrong with the bread? You’d think that’s all I feed you every day – bread!
Gideon! Have you been hiding in that wine press again? Look at your clothes!
James! John! No more burping contests at the dinner table, please. People are going to call you the sons of thunder!
Job! Just wait a minute! Don’t you have any patience!
Funny Bible Quotes by Kids
“In the first book of the Bible, Guinessis, God got tired of creating the world, so He took the Sabbath off.”
“Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree.”
“Noah’s wife was called Joan of Ark. Noah built an ark, which the animals came on to in pears.”
“Lot’s wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night.”
“Samson was a strongman who let himself be led astray by a Jezebel like Delilah. Samson slayed the Philistines with the axe of the apostles.”
“Moses led the Hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread, which is bread made without any ingredients. The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert. Afterwards, Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the Ten Amendments. The First Commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple.The Fifth Commandment is to humor thy father and mother. The seventh Commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery.”
“Moses died before he ever reached Canada.Then Joshua led the Hebrews in the battle of Geritol.”
“David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar. He fought with the Finklesteins, a race of people who lived in Biblical times.Solomon, one of David’s sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.”
“The people who followed the Lord were called the 12 decibels. The epistles were the wives of the apostles.One of the opossums was St. Matthew who was, by profession, a taximan.”
“The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him.”
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