funny humor


The Unexpected Pastoral Visit

Does your pastor, priest, or minister ever drop by your house unexpectedly? They’re “in the neighborhood”, and just want to stop by and chat with you for a few minutes. Do you welcome them in right away? Do you run through the house hiding the laundry sitting on the sofa? What happens next? Here he comes!

The Pastor Comes by Your House

A pastor went out one Saturday afternoon to visit his church members. At one house, it was obvious that someone was home, but nobody came to the door even though the preacher knocked several times. Finally, the preacher took out his card, wrote out ‘Revelation 3:20’ on the back of it, and stuck it in the door:

“Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and dine with him, and he with me.”

            – Revelation 3:20

The next morning, the card turned up in the collection plate. Below the preacher’s message was written the following notation:

“I heard your voice in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; and I hid myself.”

            – Genesis 3:10

peeking through the blinds

How Kids Can Get Their Names

An Englishman, a Frenchman and an Irishman were sitting in the park and talking about their children.

“My son was born on St George’s Day,” remarked the Englishman, “So we obviously decided to call him George.”

“That’s a real coincidence,” observed the Frenchman, “My daughter was born on Valentine’s Day, so we decided to call her Valentine.”

“That’s really incredible,” drawled the Irishman, “Exactly the same thing happened with my son Pancake.”

Funny Pastoral Visit to the Nursing Home

Pastor Bob drives up to the Happy Rest Nursing home to visit Matilda, an elderly member of his church in the latter years of her life.

“Hi Matilda, good to see you, can I sit with you for awhile?”

As they begin chatting, the pastor notices a bowl full of peanuts on the nearby nightstand. As Matilda continues to share a story he’s already heard a few times before, he reaches for the bowl of peanuts and takes one.

As the conversation continues, he also continues to eat more and more peanuts.  Near the end of their time together he realizes he has eaten every single peanut in the bowl.

“Matilda, I must apologize. It seems that I have eaten every one of your peanuts.”

“Oh that’s okay Pastor Bob.”

“They would have just sat there anyway.”

“Without my teeth anymore, all I can do is lick and suck the chocolate off of them and put the peanuts back in the bowl.”


Pastoral Hospital Visit

Elder Jackson is in the hospital and his good friend and pastor comes to visit him.

The pastor realizes how serious his condition must be with all the medical equipment attached to the elder.

He kneels down next to Elder Jackson’s bed to pray for him.

Upon doing so, the elder begins waving a worn hand at him, and makes a motion toward the pen and writing pad on the nearby nightstand.

The pastor reaches for the pen and pad and hands it to his friend, who immediately begins writing furiously.

But suddenly, he passes away. He dies without being able to finish his note.

At the funeral for his friend, the past tells the family and friends:

“I was blessed to know him, and to be with him at the moment of his death. As a matter of fact, I have his last thoughts with me, written by his own hand.”

The pastor begins reading the paper for the first time:

“Please get up now Pastor!!! You are kneeling on my oxygen hose!!!”


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